Weekly Digest

It was really beautiful outside today but it took me until 7 PM to muster the energy to leave my apartment. Brad has friends in town for their annual biking extravaganza so I was excited to have some time to myself. I was planning to write this post, work on that song, go to the gym and possibly even get my nails done. But that was overly ambitious, I should have known. I think deep down I knew it was overly ambitious because when I don’t have a hard schedule for the day, sometimes I can’t get myself to go outside. On days like this, the thought of going outside becomes this scary, stressful, impossible thing. I guess the fact that I was able to leave my apartment at some point and even go to the gym is a small victory. For today.

Here’s what I really did today. I opened WordPress, wrote a few lines and then I:

• compared vacuum cleaners (I wish I could spring for this one but will more realistically spring for this one)
• checked for Bughead updates from Wonder Con (guys, I love Riverdale)
• made a playlist for this blog post

 
https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/megapuss/playlist/3fsGXivP4Jx1vLqXzCSxne

I’m trying to make this “digest” post a weekly habit. With that, here are a few more pieces of media on my radar:

Oxenfree – I’ve been getting into indie games and so far Oxenfree is my favorite. It’s a choose your own adventure game that’s like Stranger Things meets Freaks and Geeks. I should say that the game is creepy not scary. If it was legitimately scary, I wouldn’t be able to play it (for reference I watched The Shining in highschool and had to pee with the bathroom door open for a month). Gorgeous art direction, music and dialogue. Even if you don’t play video games, you can enjoy Oxenfree because it’s all about how your actions and conversation affect those around you. It kind of feels like taking a personality test if you’re into that sort of thing.

Watching RuPaul’s Drag Race at a gay bar – This season is mine and Brad’s first time watching RuPaul’s Drag Race live with a bunch of other screaming fans and now I feel like I didn’t really watch the other seasons because I didn’t watch them like this. It’s LIFE CHANGING and LIFE AFFIRMING. And I don’t have a favorite queen this season! They’ve all been so lovely except for the one that got the villain edit.

This post from Molly Wizenburg blew me away. It’s one of those pieces of writing that could’ve sprung from a writing exercise where you pick an object and write about the first thing that comes to mind. This one starts with a chair from Molly’s teenage bedroom and a specific memory of her late father. From there she goes on to address big themes like change, separation and happiness.

Hope you enjoy the playlist. Until next time!

First Post

I’m going to be honest: I was going to look up the first blog posts of every one of my favorite bloggers before I wrote this post.

This is not my first blog, and it’s far from my second, third or fourth so I should know how to do this but that was when the website Xanga was cool and I watched South Park because my parents didn’t want me to. Now I’m here because I’ve been an adult or something for a few years and I haven’t felt like myself in a while. I’m trying to remember how to do the things I once enjoyed doing. To start, I used to write in my journal before bed every night. I used to get dressed up in old ’80s prom dresses with my friends and take pictures in the woods. I used to write and record stupid love songs because it was fun.

It’s hard to pinpoint why I stopped doing any of those things. Some people might say “life got in the way” but if I’m being truthful, I know I got in the way. Instead of writing songs for fun, I’d scrap any idea that I thought didn’t live up to this weird, invisible standard that I set. There was nothing that could meet this standard because it was made up to begin with. Nothing was ever good enough. Nothing would ever be. And then four years went by. I mean, they didn’t “go by” but that’s what it felt like. I look back and I think, what was I doing during that time? I can’t remember and I can’t get that time back.

I spent a lot of my teen years priding myself on being modest, not auditioning for a solo in choir that I secretly wanted because I didn’t want to look like I was looking for attention. Playing it back now, it’s funny. Priding yourself on modesty isn’t modest at all. There’s still ego involved.

I’ve been working on a song for the past few weeks and for the first time in a long time, I’m having fun. I’m not worrying about whether or not it’s punk enough or if the lyrics are poignant. The answers, by the way, are no and no but it doesn’t matter: I’m having a great fucking time. Oh and South Park sucks.